Laura Valkama’s play What Happened and Say Hello (Miten kävi ja terveisiä) is an absurd drama divided into thirteen scenes that have no apparent link to each other. A wide range of increasingly eccentric characters wander through the play, each tackling the same problem from their personal perspective: How can one create the world in which one lives?
With a few exceptions, the characters appearing in the play represent some profession, some externally bestowed identity and activity. The activity of such a person can be meaningless, pointless, or unsatisfying, but the person knows what is expected of him or her as well as, in most cases, how to accomplish it.
On the other hand, the characters who operate on the basis of their personal personae make plain the danger entailed in freedom of choice. Our actions should have a meaning and a reason, a goal. What about when you can do whatever you want? When no one is telling you what to do? What do you do then? Who bears responsibility for the choices we make? Ourselves, or some external authority? And why is it that when you can do whatever you want, in the end you find yourself doing nothing. How did it come to this?
(...)
PAUPAUPAU
(Notices the spouse Queque fashioned.) Listen, there’s no way out. We have no choice but to try and get acquainted with one another. Perhaps we might develop a mutual fondness for each other.
QUEQUE
It is the height of incivility to ignore another’s presence.
PAUPAUPAU
At least give you and me a chance.
QUEQUE
(Conversing with the spouse.) What do you make of Paupaupau? “I wish Paupaupau would have the sense to leave.” Not likely. We won’t get rid of Paupaupau so easily. Do something — say, give Paupaupau a thrashing. (The spouse doesn’t react.)
PAUPAUPAU
(Hands Queque something to drink.) Here, try this. It’s a marvelous cordial. It will soothe you.
QUEQUE
Soothe yourself. Although I don’t suppose a drink could hurt. (Is on the verge of drinking.)
LIFEGUARD
(Enters.) Don’t drink that! Don’t drink it, fool! It’s poison! (Exits.)
QUEQUE
You were going to poison me!
PAUPAUPAU
Then I wouldn’t have had to marry you; I could have, for example, gone to prison instead.
QUEQUE
(To the spouse) It’s the same conundrum I faced once, but I refuse to become Paupaupau’s comrade in misfortune. I have you. Help me. (No reaction. To Paupaupau:) Help me.
PAUPAUPAU
What do you want me to say, since I can’t even help myself?
QUEQUE
I once heard tale so incredible I didn’t dare even consider it. I will consider it now. They say there is a land where people never wed.
PAUPAUPAU
Wed whom?
QUEQUE
Anyone. Unless they so desire.
PAUPAUPAU
Let’s set forth immediately. Where will we find this land?
QUEQUE
Oh, run off together so we won’t end up together?
PAUPAUPAU
I suppose we could go separately, too. Map. (Paupaupau is given a map or already has one.) This scheme is so brazen that even poisoning is like a pollen-grain in a vale of orchids in comparison. Here: “Land where none are required to wed.” I think it’s worth a gamble. Join me.
QUEQUE
But I’ve never traveled.
PAUPAUPAU
You can bring that one (the spouse) with you.
(...)
Translated by Kristian London
